Queer and queer activism

Changing rooms - these access spaces to a swimming pool or gymnasium. I don't know anyone who likes changing rooms. There are people who try to maintain some privacy in these spaces that seem designed to take away any privacy. There are people who pretend that they don't mind the lack of privacy when they change into or out of their swimming costume or gym clothes.

I have started reading Noemí Parra's book, Historias de afectos. Acompañar la adolescencia trans* (Stories of affection. Accompanying trans* adolescence). Already reading the prologue by Lucas Platero I had to cry. A month ago, when I went to the presentation of the book at La Carbonería in Sevilla, I was also very moved when Noemí Parra spoke about trans adolescence, and a friend who was by my side helped me to stabilise myself in this moment.

Angélique comes to my mind again, and this time in the context of my gender identity since childhood, which is the issue that has been agitating me all week. But, in reality I have almost no memories of Angélique. On 23 December last year I wrote about Angélique:

For the past few weeks I have been reflecting more on the development of my gender identity since childhood. Seven weeks ago I wrote about my questions regarding the gender identity of my inner child, and a few days later about reconsidering the development of my gender identity since my childhood. This last question continues to move me, and yesterday before going to bed and connecting with my inner child, I found them in a lot of fear and a lot of pain for not being able to show themselves as who they are, and for having to hide.

“Genderqueer participants disclose a poignant theme of not having the language to express their experience of gender until late into adolescence or early adulthood. This experience is also repeatedly described as a feeling of something being 'wrong.'”

Liam P. Malone: Gender identity and childhood experiences: an introductory quantitative study of the relationship between gender identity and adverse childhood experiences

It is becoming increasingly clear to me that there is an issue (or trauma?) regarding the gender identity or expression of my inner child. Five days ago I wrote:

I took part in some activities for 8th March in Sevilla with friends and our collective Disidencias del Sur and our banner "We too are feminism: trans, queers, nonbinaries". I started with lunch in the Alameda de Hércules. There was a good atmosphere when I arrived, with music and people dancing.

They want you dead
In their shitty world
Where it only matters to produce and consume
Where your emotions and illusions they have no space for
They want you dead

They want you dead
Because you don't produce, because you don't consume
Because you do care about your emotions
Because you want to tend to your trauma, to the wounds you carry from their shit
They want you dead