Sexual abuse

In my beloved queer group Disidencias del Sur we started to work on patriarchal violence within and towards the LGBTIQA+ collective for 25 November. It is an important and necessary work, as it is usually only made visible within a cisheteronormative framework: cis hetero man towards cis hetero woman. We think that patriarchal violence affects us all.

Am I falling again, this time into the abyss of my infancy? In the last days I felt that I was coping with my emotions related to the current situation, with the trauma of my adolescence. With ups and downs, yes, but I didn't feel too down, nor did I have to cry too much. I was managing a manageable level of anxiety.

Trigger warning:

• childhood sexual abuse

Lately, some images have been appearing to me, and I'm wondering: what do those images mean? I don't want to call them 'memories'. But what are they? Are they just fantasies? Are they experiments of my mind, like 'what do you think of this image, do you remember anything?'

I also have my doubts because of the context in which some of the images first came to me. However, some of the images stay with me and I can reproduce them outside the original context, while others are already being lost.

I am looking for a child that has disappeared, and neither an advert in the “looking for” section of a newspaper nor reporting the child as missing with the police will be able to help me.