My inner girl

My inner girl. Today, my little girl, who until today I have called my inner child, told me that she is a girl. It wasn't easy for her, and she did it very quickly. I hugged her, and told her that it's fine, that I love her, that I respect her gender identity, but that for me it's not a big deal either and that she can change as often as she wants, and that I love her all the same.

Almost six months ago, at the beginning of my relationship with my inner girl, I wrote:

“Is it my inner boy, my inner girl, or my inner child? I don't know. We haven't been able to talk yet, they haven't been able to tell me anything. I prefer to talk, for now, about my inner child as neutral, so as not to assign them a gender that they may not feel comfortable with. Did they feel like a boy, a girl, a nonbinary child, a unicorn, ...? I don't know. I know that for as long as I can remember I have had my struggle with and against masculinity. But, the child, were they forced to be a boy, did they feel like a boy? Since I don't know, and I know from my adult self that assigning me the wrong gender - male or female - upsets me a lot, I prefer to take care of them and wait until they can tell me their story.”

And today, at last, she has expressed herself. My girl.

I was not surprised. From the beginning, I've always seen my little girl in a dress, and she doesn't like male clothes at all. And, since she has started drawing, in all her drawings in which she has drawn herself naked, she has never drawn the penis. She has always omitted this detail.

Today, after my girl told me this, that she is a child, and that she wants me to talk to her as a girl, I remembered that I liked the Pipi Longstocking series when I was a child. Pipi didn't have a mother (I had a mother, but I rejected her), and her father, being a pirate, was almost always absent. My father was not absent, in fact, he sexually abused me, but I don't have any memories of living with my father. So, like Pipi, I had to survive alone, I had to manage all the problems of my life as a child alone. There was no one, absolutely no one.

I think I liked Pipi Longstocking because she was strong, while I felt very weak and alone. She was rebellious, she did things without caring what people thought. How I would have loved to have been like Pipi, without anyone bullying me.

A friend of mine recommended me to watch the series together with my little girl. It should be the German version, as my girl doesn't speak English or Spanish. Let's see when I get around to it. I'm looking forward to doing it for my little girl.