Being non-binary, being queer, and (sexual) abuse

Trigger warning: discussion of sexual, physical and psychological childhood abuse

"We know that, regardless of sexual orientation, people who exhibit gender non-conforming (or genderqueer) behaviour in childhood were at much higher risk of sexual abuse to begin with. New research has shown that children who exhibit gender non-confirming behavior (through dress, mannerisms, and/or interests) before age 11 (known to be about one in ten children), are at higher risk of being sexually abused by age 17 than their gender conforming peers. The risk of experiencing sexual abuse for gender non-conforming boys is especially alarming, at rates two to six times higher than gender conforming boys."

Amita Yalgin Swadhin

When I read this in an article by Amita Yalgin Swadhin in the book Queering Sexual Violence, it touched me a lot. I am a genderqueer person. I was a gender non-conforming child, assigned “boy”. I was sexually abused as a child. Shit. Shit, shit, shit!

While there is no suggestion of a causal relationship between gender non-conformity as a child and sexual abuse here, I wanted to know more. So I looked up the article Amita Yalgin Swadhin references: Childhood Gender Nonconformity: A Risk Indicator for Childhood Abuse and Posttraumatic Stress in Youth. One more thing here: PTSD. Shit! Shit, shit, shit! The article doesn’t make for easy reading when you fit all criteria they mention in the title. But I dared to read it.

The summary results are already telling: “Exposure to childhood physical, psychological, and sexual abuse, and probable PTSD were elevated in youth in the top decile of childhood gender nonconformity compared with youth below median nonconformity. ... Gender nonconformity predicted increased risk of lifetime probable PTSD in youth after adjustment for sexual orientation.”

The dry language of a scientific journal cannot hide the harsh situation. “In middle childhood, sex differences are apparent in children’s clothing choice, activities, mannerisms, and interests. These sex differences together constitute gender expression, and children who do not conform to the expression typical of their biological sex are termed “gender nonconforming.” Childhood gender nonconformity has been associated with an array of childhood psychosocial stressors, including poorer relationships with parents, peer rejection, harassment, and physical and verbal victimization. Possibly as a consequence of elevated exposure to stressors, childhood gender nonconformity has also been associated with a lower sense of well-being in adolescence and mental health problems in adulthood, including depression and anxiety symptoms, distress, body dissatisfaction, attachment anxiety, and suicidality. Thus, gender nonconformity in childhood may be an important health risk indicator.”

Again, shit! Shit, shit, shit!

“Childhood abuse increases risk of posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) directly by triggering PTSD and indirectly by both increasing likelihood of exposure to subsequent stressful events and by increasing the risk of developing PTSD following exposure to a stressful event. Thus, if gender-nonconforming children are at higher risk of abuse, they may also be at greater risk for developing PTSD compared with gender-conforming children.“

Shit! Again, shit, shit, shit!

From what I know about (complex) PTSD I think one important factor is also the poorer relationship with parents. Experiencing a traumatic event does not need to lead to lifetime PTSD if you have emotional support in the direct aftermath. However, with poorer parent relationships this is less likely, and even less so when the abusers are your parents or one parent: “Prior research describes possible pathways linking gender nonconformity to abuse. Some parents may be uncomfortable with gender nonconformity in their children, possibly increasing their likelihood of being abusive toward gender-nonconforming children. Parents may also see gender nonconformity as an indicator of same-sex sexual orientation or think others will assume their child will be gay or lesbian. If parents are uncomfortable with homosexuality, nonconformity may lead to the child being targeted for abuse. Some parents also believe their own parenting can shape their child’s gender nonconformity and future sexual orientation; thus, their parenting may become more physically or psychologically abusive in an attempt to discourage their child’s gender nonconformity or same-sex orientation. In terms of sexual abuse, children who appear to be different from typical children are at higher risk of being targeted.“

Shit! Shit, shit, shit!

I’m still struggling with making sense of how me gender identity, my asexuality, and the sexual and other abuse I suffered are related. Reading the above discussion on poorer parent relationship or parent abuse, I remember that one day my psychologist asked me when I first felt loved by anyone… and I just did draw a blank. I didn’t have an answer. I certainly never felt loved by my parents, although I don’t doubt that in a way they loved me, or, maybe more correctly, there idea of me, which wasn’t me. I never felt loved, I never felt seen. Not by my parents, not by any teacher, not by any other adult during childhood or adolescence, nor by any peers. The name of one girl comes to mind when I was 13 or 14 years old, but I don’t remember anything of our friendship, I only feel the loss.

Again, no study has been able to establish a simple causal relationship between gender non-conformity and poorer parent relationships. One article – Testing causal models of the relationship between childhood gender atypical behaviour and parent–child relationship – concludes that the relationship might be rather reciprocal, without being able to say what comes first, gender non-conformity or a poor parent-child relationship. Not helpful...

While in all these studies gender non-conforming is seen rather broadly, and is not limited to trans* or non-binary children, adolescents or adults (in fact, they are not even mentioned in these studies), I found one more specific study: Disparities in Childhood Abuse Between Transgender and Cisgender Adolescents: “TGAs (transgender adolescents) could be at elevated risk for enduring abuse during childhood because of this population’s distinct experiences with gender identity and gender expression across development. TGAs are less conforming to societal expectations of gender expression during childhood, even before their identification with a gender identity that differs from their sex assigned at birth. Children who are gender nonconforming are more likely to experience abuse when compared with gender-conforming peers.”

“TGAs are more likely to report psychological, physical, and sexual abuse during childhood compared with heterosexual CGAs (cisgender adolescents). Our findings align with those of previous studies finding high rates of childhood abuse among transgender individuals. Growing evidence indicates TGAs experience mental health problems at higher rates than CGAs, and childhood abuse likely contributes to the onset of mental health problems among TGAs. In the future, researchers should examine the role of childhood abuse in the etiology of mental health problems among TGAs.”

A review of existing research - Child abuse victimization among transgender and gender nonconforming people: A systematic review - came to the following conclusions: “Despite the varied methods, these studies paint a picture of abuse that is significantly related to CGNC (childhood gender nonconformity) and transgender status. All four studies that investigated whether or not CGNC was associated with child abuse found it to be so. Two studies found that the higher the CGNC, the more abuse the child suffered. There are several implications for research from this review. On the most direct level, research is needed that focuses on treatments for the impact of child abuse on transgender people. There is a significant lack of literature on particular treatment approaches for this issue.

Also, very little is known about risks and protective factors for this group of individuals. Parental acceptance is what protects the developing TGNC (transgender and gender nonconforming) adolescent from psychological harm. How is this protective factor nurtured in families and promoted as an important protection for this population? Research to investigate interventions that decrease rates of abuse of transgender and gender nonconforming people and support family acceptance is needed”

Again, shit! Shit, shit, shit!

But maybe, at least I don’t feel alone. Only, where are the other trans* and/or non-binary survivors of abuse? Why is nobody speaking out?

Caroline Picker writes in an article in the book Queering Sexual Violence: “I’m not saying we all should get up on stage and talk about queerness and abuse to conservative audiences, though I admire anyone and everyone who does. I’m saying we should tell our stories, as loudly as we can manage and as often as we can bear. I’m saying we should claim the space no one is going to grant us, for our rage and our power. Healing from child sexual abuse as individuals requires collective healing, requires the end of capitalism, white supremacy, heteropatriarchy, requires radical movements led by survivors. Self-determination and transformative justice grow every time we defy a world that wants to tell our stories for us.”

Where are YOU? I’m not hearing you. Let’s tell OUR stories...