Police: fuck off!

I woke up today feeling pretty bad. I got up and started to write out how I feel in a text, and then I went to the river. Already on the way I had to cry from time to time. I sat by the river, where I always sit, but this time after maybe 15-20 minutes a local police car arrived. They asked me for identification and asked me for my justification. I tried to explain to them that I need to be there, look at the water and cry, because of some old traumas. They asked me if I was on medication, and I said no. They asked me if I have a certificate, and I said that my psychologist cannot give it to me, as it is not foreseen in the damned decree.

I sat there and cried, insisting that this was what I needed: to stay, to cry, to look at the water. They opened the door of the police car and threatened to take me to the police station if I didn't get up and go home. I was about to tell them that I didn't care, that they should take me to the police station, but in the end I got up slowly and started walking slowly towards the stairs, crying. I slowly went home.
I felt very helpless in this situation. So, what now? Do I have to find another place to sit and cry?

At the moment I'm not crying. But I'm very anxious. Angry. Powerless.

"Everyone has the right to life and physical and moral integrity", says Article 15 of the Spanish Constitution. It seems that now, in the State of Alarm, the "moral" part no longer counts, mental health no longer counts. Total confinement, except for the economy. What's the point of this?

At the moment I don't know how to hold on. I feel a lot of anger, also impotence (which leads me to my adolescent trauma). It all seems like shit.

At the same time there are friends. Many called me. Others wrote to me. I am no longer this abandoned, abused child, nor this hopeless, lonely, impotent teenager. I'm someone else. I have friends, networks, support. I have survived my past, and I can survive this.